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Wondering why marriages of 21st century fail shortly after the union? Marriage
is an institution most men and ladies love to enrol into someday. It is one of
those achievements every person is looked up to fulfill or achieve at a certain
stage in their life except for the monks, the Rev’d Fathers and Sisters. As a matter of fact, when a person passes
this stage without getting married, he or she is viewed by the society as being
irresponsible or a nonentity without minding the success the person might have
recorded in other walks of life. According to Abraham Maclow’s theory of
hierarchy of needs, humans desire to love and be loved; to find a life
companion at a particular period of their life and reproduce their own kinds.
This is what drive people to be initiated
into the cult of marriage. Every Saturday, churches and mosques are filled
with friends and family members as witnesses amidst partners who agreed to be
united forever in holy matrimony. After
the celebration, the newly married couple joyfully moves into their home,
hoping to cling to each other happily while taking the breath of marital bliss. It is however unfortunate that the nuptial flights
of 21st century marriages suddenly crash months and few years after
the union, thereby leading to a skyrocketed cases of divorce in our society today.
The society, while wondering why the trend is on a rising scale, seems to have
neglected the jeopardizing situation to the detriment of little children who
would inevitably suffer the pain of being brought up under a single parent or
in some cases, under no parental care. In
other to minimizethese high cases of divorce, Emeka Agbo Blog hereby presents
12 reasons why 21stcentury marriages fail.- Lack of commitment to the marriage
The significant differences between the marriages of our forefathers and
those of 21st century are love and commitment. While our
forefathers placed more values on commitments, 21st century
generation of couples site greater importance on love. But unfortunately, love
does not keep two different persons together even though we are told that two plus
two is always equal to 1 during weddings. Commitment does the magic. While love
only helps to bring the couple together, commitment keeps them together forever. Our forefathers never married based on love. In
fact, they never know what love is all about. Love is simply an invention of
the 21st century youths which crazily drive them into marriage only
to tear them apart sooner than later as love fades in the face of marital realities
without commitment. Commitment was what held our parents together even during
temptations. Commitment entails loyalty to each other and to the marriage. This
is significantly absent in most 21st century marriages.
2
- Much Emphasis on Tele-dating
Tele-dating
is another invention of the 21st century youths especially since the
advent of Social Media. It is the
situation whereby partners date each other from a distance communicating
through social networks. Such partners
hardly take time to know each other one-on-one as they constantly communicate
through social media thereby giving them the illusion of being with each other.
In reality, they are far from each other and so never have the chance to display
their true attitudes completely. Thus,
if the man choose to propose during this
phase without both learning each other very well, problem might ensue later as the
only place where they have to start the learning process happens to be in the
marriage already and in such cases, any negative vices could be too hard to be
tolerated forcing either or both parties
to file for divorce. The remedy is “don’t
restrict your courtship to tele-dating, endeavor to know each other in
person before the proposal.
- Feelings of Insecurity
Insecurity
is the negative notion of not being psychologically and emotionally relaxed
with your spouse. The feeling that he or
she could be snatched away from you by someone better than you. Insecurity is
not just a problem limited to marriage. It is also exhibited in relationships,
courtship and dating. Partners who have low self-esteem may consider ending it
as soon as they notice they aren’t secured in the union. When you notice your partner has that feeling
of insecurity, firstly find out what the cause is, and strive to solve the problem.
Give him or her assurance that you are with her no matter the degree of
temptations that come your way. This will build the partner’s faith and trust
in you the more. And if you are always insecure in your union, work more to
improve your self-esteem. High self-esteem gives insecurity a good run.
- Constant Misunderstanding
No
matter the degree of love between a couple, faultfinding issues where they
might disagree sometimes must always arise. The ability of the partners to
resolve their issues cordially demonstrates the level of maturity both have. Marriages
crash because both parties fail to understand themselves. When there is constant
misunderstanding, the tendency is for them to feel mismatched with each other
and the next is divorce.
- Negligence of for Better for Worse Ideology
During
weddings, the groom and his bride are joined on the basis of for
better for worse creed. But their inability to adjust positively when
the marriage moves towards the negative axis is quite a big cause of
divorce. The couple may happily live
with each other, enjoying the euphoria of marital ecstasy, but forgetting the
promises they made to each other at the altar as soon as the marriage strikes insurmountable
challenges. Such cases arise because 21st century youths marry on
the basis of material possessions or body beauty. The question intending
partners should always ask themselves and answer honestly is, would their marriage be able to withstand
the tides if it turns out worse?
- Lose of Values for Each Other
21st
century marriages hit the rocks because either or both parties lose values for
each other months after the union. The initial
values somet intending partners place on each other during their courtship is transient
and typically out of pretence. This situation arises due to the multi-dating philosophies
of 21st century youths. A person, prior to marriage, may have dated
a manifold number of ladies or men who are of higher class than his or her
current spouse. This would limit the values they place on anybody they finally
settled down with and therefore cause problems to arise in the marriage.
Compare this situation to the marriages of our grandfathers and grandmothers,
who never practised multi-dating and so have great regards for their husbands
and wives. If marriages of 21st century are to be secured, there is
every need that we observe the single-man-single-lady courtship system of our
forefathers; and not the case of pick-and-drop
or trial-and-error methods of
pre-marital affairs youths of nowadays repeatedly engage in till they reach their
final bus stop. While courtship has the
intention of learning the partner’s characters for adjustment and tolerance,
dating has the sole purpose of picking and dumping a partner with the plan of
marrying someone else in the future.
- Forceful Attempt to change a Spouse in the Marriage
Humans
are habitual beings. Our personality is the sum-total of the attitudes and
characters we imbibed while growing up from childhood to adulthood. While we
somehow unlearned some of these habits, others have preponderated out lifestye
that we can hardy hide them or even pretend they aren’t part of us. However,
partners are likely to hide their characters and attitudes during courtship
which eventually shows up months after the union has been instituted. Any
forceful attempt by one of the spouses to change the other’s attitudes would always
result in chaos in the marriage. The only solution in this case is tolerance- though
gently effecting the change through a round table discussion.
- Disregard of the Romantic Lifestyles after Marriage
Humans
are naturally romantic and couples need romance as much as they need food. Good
romance spices up their marriage, and regularly releases the hormones that make
them yearn, crave, long and hanker for each other even when they are physically
apart. Worthy to note that this is probably what kept them together during
courtship and so the same that bring them together into the institution of marriage.
But in situations where both or either party feel reluctant about being
romantic enough in the marriage, it kills the joy of the union and the partners
may start losing interest in each other. This coud result in either or both
partners embarking on a search for a more romantic person-which would inevitably
tear the marriage apart.
- Social Media Illusion
Most
of the news, updates and posts we read on Social Media from married couples,
singles, and dating partners are as misleading as the authors themselves. They tend to create the illusion that they
are in a perfect relationships or marriage and that they married the most
perfect person across the globe. But behind the scene, they suffer the worst relationships
or marriage. This creates the bad illusion that marriage is a paradise; thereby
misleading many young people into marriage. Unfortunately, the outcome never
meets their expectations!
- Third Party Interference
The
request of third parties such as friends, family members or work colleagues to
give advice on some issues in your marriage is quite jeopardizing. Third
parties like friends may eventually get jealous of the prosperity of the
marriage. Who knows if they aren’t nursing any intention of destroying the
marriage not known to either or both parties? And their advice could gear up towards
tearing the marriage apart. Even parents do not completely resolve issues
amicably between their children. It
should be the duty of both spouses to look into their marriage and know where
to actually amend, and do the amendments themselves. No matter how hard it is, swallow
your pride and do everything to secure your marriage from the hands of
intruders. He who is inside a building
best knows where it is leaky. You may be
taking the exit door off your marriage if you constantly invite third parties
to resolve issues for you.
- Indifference to Responsibilities
Marriage
isn’t just an achievement. It is the unreserved acceptance of full
responsibilities for the needs of your spouse and the product of the marriage
(children). When this is found wanting in marriages, there is every tendency
for divorce to take place. Before you
put on the marital garments, endeavor to know the responsibilities in the
marriage and be ready to observe them. Otherwise you may end up moving towards
the circumference of the marriage arena, and eventually get divorced.
. Forfeiture
of Pre-marital Research
Pre-marital
research is the kind of enquiries families of the intending couple embark on as
soon as they get to know about their children’s intention to marry each other.
Such research is always directed to the nearby people, household or neighbors
who know the families very well. It is always a two sided process-as both families
embark on this research independently without letting the other family know
about it. No matter the degree of disparity between cultures, religion or tribal
backgrounds, both families never neglect this as the outcome serves to
determine whether the intending partners should go ahead and realize their
dreams or not. This research usually reveals
the presence or absence of genetically transmittable ailments such as madness,
and some other vices like stealing. Once
such vices or ailments are discovered earlier, the marriage is canceled and
both parties go their separate ways early enough before they are united.
This
culture of pre-marital research has long been forsaken by our 21st
century youths- as they always get carried away by the bliss of pre-,marital love
that is always too weak to keep them together when such vices or ailments start
manifesting itself at some point in the marriage.
Youths
should be encouraged to find out about the family backgrounds and prevailing ailments
of the family they are going into before the proposal is made or consented to. Otherwise,
be ready to endure the consequences; after all that’s what genuine love is all
about.
Article written by Emmanuel
Chukwuemeka Eminent Agbo
A Motivational Speaker, a Content
Writer, a Blogger and a Digital Marketer
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